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Words of Mez on His day of Ascension |
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The Words of Mez, on the Day of His Ascension, as recorded by Saint Todd, Harvester of Souls, Master at Arms, and Minister of the Holy Inquisition.
One of the masses, an unbeliever, was heard to say “This is pretty rad. His ego’s gotta be pretty big right now.” Mez responded, “This is both the radical and the normal manner of things, that you should be gathered here for me, and that I should provide for you. The size of one’s ego is a matter of perspective, appearing larger the closer you stand. If the size of my ego offends you, then you need only step farther away and it will appear smaller. This is the way of tolerance.”
Upon being presented with the staff that is symbolic of His physical might, Mez said “It is good that you should honor me in this way, for in praising me and satisfying me you shall develop the skills for honoring one another. Your generosity to me is a reflection of your capacity for mercy and compassion toward all living things. Similarly, when you caress one another, you caress Mez. Feel the Mez. He is good.” Let there be a curse on anyone who would take the staff from Mez, unless he gives it back sometime relatively soon.
Mez so loved his friends that he gave of all his material wealth so that they might find pleasure everlasting.
“I provide light and dark as each is needed. Too much of one and you will squint; too much of the other and you will stub your toe.”
Saint Daniel spoke: “There is power and beauty in Mez that is, the Mez that was, and the Mez that is to be. We are each a part of Mez, just as there is a part of Mez within each of us.”
Saint David spoke in haiku:“One who has found Mez
knows when to follow the rules
and when not to.”
One of the masses, the same unbeliever, turned her back on Mez, saying “I’ve enjoyed the entertainment, but I have to get up early tomorrow.” And Mez responded, “Entertainment is only the beginning. If that is all you have seen here, then you have seen little. If that is all you have seen in the world, then you have seen little. Yet entertainment is the beginning, and without it nothing else would be worth a shit.” And so she was talked into staying with the promise of chocolate cake to come.
Then Mez, as is His wont, made available the hot tub so that his followers might be cleansed externally of grit and internally of ignorance. “You who are so eager shall be the first.”
One of the masses, that same unbeliever, said “You know, I would get in to get baptized, but these boots are a bitch to put on.”. The Mez of perfect equanimity simply smiled at her understandingly, though perhaps with a touch of sadness. However, one of His followers, who was still new to the ways of Mez, was heard to say “Shut up. Stop bitching and get the fuck in or go the fuck away.”. And Mez said “Nothing is forced, not even the truth, not even the Mez.” And the unbeliever was so touched by the soft words of Mez that she stripped naked and climbed into the hot tub. The Mez pulled her head down into the water and asked “Can you feel the Mez?”, to which she answered “Yes, I can feel the Mez.”And a neighbor did hear, but her heart was closed to the Mez. Thus she did slam her window down. And the Mez did nod wisely and say, "Someday, she will feel the Mez within her."
Mez was also heard that night to say:
“To be one with Mez’s mind is good. To be one with Mez’s soul is good. To be one with Mez’s body is good. Especially that last one.”
“It is good to be.”
“Happy, fuzzy, affluent, and wise: these are the qualities of a virtuous man. For a woman, fuzzy is less important.”
“Miracles have a rhythm all their own. There is a natural flow to all things, and a wise person knows when to surrender himself to this flow. It may happen that nature will carry one where one wishes to go.”
“There is only one bottle of wine, but many of us. I shall drink the wine and you shall all lick my lips.” Such is the sharing of Mez.
“There is no heresy, only violation of intellectual property law.”
Thou shalt not put words into the mouth of Mez, unless they sound good and no one can prove He didn’t really say them.