For immediate release:
SEATTLE, Washington--February 2, 2003--Church of Mez Adjusts
Earnings, Files Chapter 11. The Church of Mez today announces its
intention to file an adjusted earning statement and that it has filed
for protection from its debtors under chapter 11.
"Clearly, we have been morally bankrupt from the start," said the
former CEO Mez from atop a pile of chocolate covered thai hookers.
"But we've been hiding the fact that the Church of Mez has actually
been making money for years. I mean buying Oracle was just supposed
to be a joke, one look at PL/SQL and we figured those jackasses would
never be worth anything. We tried to hide it, but you can only burn
cash in your back yard for so long before the neighbors start to talk
... Larry, you bitch, find me more hookers, these ones are lazy."
"It was just one questionable investment after another," admitted the
Church CFO. "Amazon in the mid 90's... who the hell would want to buy
books on the internet? Then we started to make money on them, finally
decided to sell them short in 2000, well that was a bad idea too and
we had to hide another 7 billion in the back of the bus. Our fucking
accountant even managed to earn us a tax credit for the hundred
thousand pairs of blinky devil horns we used at burningman. And then
we thought that being awarded the Playa Chicken as payment for
outstanding debts was a bright spot, the disposal fees alone would be
enormous, but when KFC bought him from us... well it is all just
horrible."
After a brief and drunken board meeting, all Church of Mez employees
were laid off. All remaining cash assets are to be dumped into a
desert porta-potty in the dead of night according to time honored
Church tradition.
The Church of Mez, Inc. ignited the fringe transhumanist cult
revolution in 1998 with the inception of the Church of Mez and is
recommitted to its original mission--to bring big hair and loose
morals to artists, scientists, computer professionals, and other
miscreants in over 140 countries around the world.
For historical purposes, the original
web site is still available.
